This will be my last post.  I am now 5 years out of my cancer and considered cancer free.  I am living a new normal.  The vast amount of radiation I had has narrowed all orafices below my belly button.  I am lucky I can still go to the bathroom normally however I do have to watch what I eat.  I cannot have sex any longer.  My butt is still sensitive in that I cannot ride a bike unless I am not sitting directly on my butt.  I have occassional bleeding from the anal area due to scar tissue breaking open.  As my surgeon says,  "get over it you're alive".  So life goes on.  It's a very good thing I have a very understanding husband.  My activity is back to normal. I have gone through 2 knee replacements since the cancer and have come back from those pretty well.  Thanks to everyone reading this you are probably friends or family and I appreciate you. 

Wow! It has been Jan since I posted. That should tell you I am doing fairly well. I was encouraged by a nephew to update. Today I played 18 holes of golf. I am very tired but excited to be out on the course. I am still taking pain medication. Actually it is for pain that still exists from radiation and also my arthritis in my knees and back.
I have an appt in April with my radiation oncologist and a colonoscopy in May. (I scheduled the prep on our 35th wedding aniversary. How stupid was that).
I have started attending a cancer support group. I am trying to be a supporter rather than supportee. However, in this group it works both ways. In April I will be attending a camp for adult cancer survivors. I am excited the weather has started getting better. We have had so much snow and cold this year with no breaks. Usually we have a day or two that is warm enough to get outside and/or play golf. But this winter there was nothing. Today we were in the 60's although windy and tomorrow is supposed to be 73. I hope everyone is doing well. I am continually getting a little stronger. I am still healing. Take care.

Another 3 weeks have passed since my last blog. So I thought I would catch you up. My port was taken out on Monday. It was done in the doc office but it took close to an hour. My upper chest feels like someone cut it open. Wait, they did! I can't lift anything heavy for a week so between the snow we have had and that I haven't been to the gym in about a week. We are supposed to get more snow tonight and tomorrow so that will keep me in for another couple of days. The good news is my "new " car does great in the snow whether fresh or packed down.
Let's talk about residual effects. I am still having nasty secretions coming out of everywhere. I am still having pain although it has let up a lot. I can finally sit square on my rear which made me think maybe I could continue back with my sit ups that I haven't done in 7 months but the pressure is too much. Some days I can cut back on the pain med other days I can't. But I need to cut back more because I don't think they will be renewing any of my prescriptions. I have a check up with the oncologist in Feb a check up with the radiation oncologist in April and a colonoscopy in May.
I am getting ready to send resumes into our 2 local hospitals to do volunteer work. The thing is I don't want to sit at a desk or open doors. I want to act as a liaison between cancer patients and doctors. Doing things for the patients the doctors can't. For example, my radiation oncologist has said they have patients calling in wondering if they have a list of good comedy films. Lists of things to do to keep their minds active and off the disease. We will see what happens.
In the meantime my hair is growing back. It is slow. I still don't have any bangs.
Keep the faith and I will check in sooner. Love to all

Hi Everyone, Yes I know it has been about 3 weeks since I have posted anything. I will tell you that I have relished each day knowing that I am cancer free. I have an appointment on Monday to have my port flushed out and I have an appointment on Jan 4 to have it removed. It has been the maximum amount of time since I had it flushed so I can't wait until it is time to get it removed. I am still impatient with my hair. It has grown but I don't have any bangs yet to cover the forehead. I'm sure it will be another 2-3 months before it is back to normal. My fingernails have almost grown out from their nastiness. My thumb nails are still bad but they have improved. I am still on pain meds but not as often. Certain activities really seem to aggrevate the pain. I am getting to the Y about 3 times a week. It is disheartening because where I was once lifting 60-70 lbs on certain machines I am doing 40. But I have started to see some improvement. My walking has gotten faster and more sure. After I go to the Y I am pretty depleted for the rest of the day. After the Y, I can do things but not anything very tiring. I have started back to church and the choir. I sang in our special service last Sunday which was a joy.
We are celebrating our Christmas with Scott and his girl tomorrow. They will spend Christmas morning with her family and then they will get ready to go to Chicago on the 26th. Look for them on tv on the Sunday night football game (Bears vs Vikings) they will be sitting in the end zone. So Mel and I will have a very quiet Christmas. It's ok as I am enjoying the quiet and peacefulness of wellness. I hope you have a nice weekend and if I don't write sooner a very peaceful and joyful Christmas. Love to all

Doctor's Visit

I went to the surgeon's office today. I told Mel as Iwas walking out the door, "I will not be examined". Let's call a spade a dirty shovel here. I have been poked, operated on, chemoed, radiated, and scoped all in 5 months. I have not had a chance to heal from the first when the next occurs and so on. I am tired of everyone and their brother messing with my butt. So the nurse said, Undress from the waist down. I said, "no". She said "Yes you will". I said, "Not without a lot of protest". When the PA came in I told her "here's the deal. I still hurt. You examine me and hurt me and you will know it the people next door will know it maybe the whole first floor of the building will know it." She said I won't hurt you I promise. Right, and how many times have we heard that ? Well, she was gentle and it was uncomfortable but I couldn't classify it as hurt. I told her "my husband wanted me to let you know I still have times in the morning that I hurt so bad I can barely walk and I have to go soak in the tub. " She said, oh you still have a lot of tender tissue down there. (REALLY? Do you think?) Then she said, it is normal for you to take another 6 months to heal from the radiation. People don't realize what radiation does to their body. Well, I thought I did but not to this extent I guess. So I left with prescription in hand for my next colonoscopy prep (in May) and a waddle in my walk. I've gotten quite good at my duck imitation.
Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for. Right now,,,my life.
May God Bless and I will be writing again.

Joyous news!

I was told I would get results of the biopsies on the 30th of Nov. We received a letter today saying "there is no evidence of cancer". It will be a very thankful Thanksgiving. I'm sorry I haven't written but you really didn't want to read my whining about the fact I'm still having pain. This has been a real pain in the BUTT. Ha Ha! I think I am impatient about the pain this time because I feel pretty good otherwise. I am trying to get to the Y 3 times a week to do small workouts but I still tire pretty quickly.
My chemo doc will decide when I get my port out. I have another colonoscopy in 6 months but I'm hoping I will not have to wait until then to get the port out. I have an appointment with her in Feb so I'm hoping she will schedule it. It is an in office procedure with local anaesthesia.
I hope everyone has a great week and a great Thanksgiving. I will stay in touch. Thank you for the support and prayers. I can't say that enough. God Bless You

OWEE OWEE AGAIN

The pain killers wore off at about 2 pm. Wow. This is as bad if not worse as when I had the tumor removed. I am not sitting for more than about 2 minutes. Last night I tried my faithful tramadol and it didn't touch the pain. I waited a couple of hours and went to the percocet. I did cut them in half as I can't take hydrocodone and percocet is oxycodone with tylenol. They make me very sleepy but they do take care of the pain. (not enough to want to sit) I started today with a percocet and this afternoon took a tramadol with tylenol (as my internest had told me I could). It seems to be kicking in pretty good. The tramadol I don't get sleepy or have any side effects. So I will probably take those during the day and the percocet at night. Now you all know my drug history.
I have been receiving emails from all over. I can't help but worry the congrats may be too soon with the biopsy results still out but I'm still praying for the best. I did get good news today that my pap was clear. If you don't remember the surgeon told me these cancer cells are the same ones for cervical cancer so I will have to be very careful to get paps every year. I'll keep you posted on how the sitting is going. My love to all

Praise the Lord

Back from the hospital. All signs as of now, cancerous anal tumor is gone. We won't receive word on the biopsies until end of November. Also to make news even better, the mass that was seen in the colon is gone and the surgeon was able to remove the polyp this time. Right now all I have set is another colonoscopy in 6 months. I cried for 3 minutes when I found out I had cancer. I can't quit crying now. Go figure.
Biggest problem is I can't sit again. They numbed my rear so I can't imagine what it is going to feel like when the painkiller wears off. But I did get a prescription for percocet so I could be real happy tonight. That's ok though. I have been through this before.
I'm going to close I am exhausted. Thank you for all of your prayers. We will keep praying for the biopsies to come out clean. Love to all Rose

This weekend our church held its annual fall bazaar. At the bazaar they feature fair trade items. I went down to look over the wares to see if maybe I would run into a Christmas present. What I ran into (other than the homemade cinnamon rolls) was a necklace. Simple silver. I don't wear silver jewelry. But I kept looking at this and I couldn't leave it alone. I was quickly falling in love with it. I finally told the gal to hold it for me and I would come by her shop and pick it up. I did yesterday. When I got it home (wearing it of course) I started looking on the internet. It is an Egyptian cross. The Egyptians gave it the meaning "life" and Christians have adopted the cross with the meaning of eternal life. Coincidence? The cross has now become a part of me. The only problem is I have to get some silver earrings. What a problem!!! Hope you have a good day. KTPC love to all

Owee Owee Owee

That exam smarted. I put on my big girl face and gritted my teeth but just imagine nails scraping through your most sensitive area. Because they couldn't get exactly where they wanted to I will have another in 6 months. Hopefully I will be a lot more healed by then. Hopefully.
From having the little article published I was contacted by a gal in the organization who also had anal cancer and she has been cancer free for over 4 years. It was so nice to talk to someone with the same cancer. This is rare enough that you don't find many who have it. I will rest tomorrow other than going to the Y to get my work out in. I have been exhausted today. Mental stress and pain will do it to me every time. KTPC Love to all

Hello everyone,
Each day I go through I get closer to the day of knowing something. I am very nervous about this. I have made some great strides though in the process. I am not wearing a hat any longer (unless it is cold). I sang with the choir for the first time in a long time this last Sunday. I got to thinking I had better do this while I can since I may be looking at more surgery before too much longer. My hair still has a long way to go. But I look one step better than bald.
I also have had an article written about me and my plight. If you want to read it go to www.mowomensga.org on the right will be November newsletter or news and views. Click on that. When that comes up scroll down through all the tournament results until you start seeing articles about our members. Karen Johnson article is very interesting and so is the Sandy Zahner article. Enjoy. This is a great organization and I'm very proud to be apart of it.
I am really not looking forward to the prep on Wednesday (next) as I still have a tad of soreness from everything else. Well, it will be interesting to say the least. I have a doc appt tomorrow for a pelvic. Who knows what that will be like since it was burnt up along with everything else down there. Next Monday I have an appt to get my port flushed and blood work done for the oncologist. And then the dreaded prep on Wed. How fun life is!! Enjoy KTPC Love to all

Today was the visit with the surgeon. He wants to do some biopsies in the hospital and check me at that time. So I know nothing at this point. The biopsies are scheduled for Nov 12 along with a colonoscopy as you may or may not remember I had a polyp and something else in my colon which he found during the tumor surgery. He wants to take another look at that so he can prepare for surgery for that. It will have to be surgically removed he just wants to know if the polyp has grown any more and if the questionable mass has changed. Since they are right together he wouldn't be removing any more of the colon than he would for just the polyp. So more waiting. And I'm sure even after the 12th he will be able to tell us if the area looks cancer free from the scope but we will have to wait on the biopsies to know if they came out free.
On lighter news, I got a new car today. I loved my little Mercedes but it was getting harder and harder to get in and out of it and to get my golf clubs in and out so I sold it and got a Mazda Tribute. It was one of the few SUV/Crossover types that was small with good gas mileage and I could easily fit my golf clubs in the back. This is a moot point now but if any of you out there own a Mazda I would like to know how you have liked it and if it gave you good service. I hope everyone has a good weekend. KTPC love to all

Back from Hot Springs Village

Hi Everyone, We are back from HSV. We got in 2 days of golf on cart paths. We did some shopping and made trips into both Hot Springs and Little Rock the rest of the time. We had a good visit with our friends that live in the village (see pic).

We came home after a long ride on Hiway 7 thru Jasper (my favorite town in Ark) and came home to everything in the house (other than bedrooms) tarped. Doors were taken down. It was a mess. We quickly figured out we couldn't deal with not being able to get to the refrig, stove, coffee pot etc so we took down tarps, put up doors and tried to get a little back in order. The guy who did our floors wanted to wait until Friday until we moved any furniture back in (what????) but came over today and checked the floors. Everything was put in except the piano. So I spent the day getting stuff from upstairs, cleaning out closets before putting stuff back etc. I will have one more day of this and then we should be finished. The floors are beautiful though.

Dear Santa Claus

Dear Santa Claus, For Christmas I would like a full head of hair.
Well, now you all know my Christmas wish. Other things I have recently discovered my nails are acting like they may all fall out. After doing some research I think I may keep them but they will be really ugly for about 6 months. I have also had a relapse of chronic urticaria. Right now I am not planning on seeing the doc as the last one put me on so many drugs the chemo would look like childs play. If it hasn't gotten any better by the time I have my chemo oncologist appt I will talk to her about it.
We ran all over Hot Springs and Little Rock today shopping and just looking around. It was fun but tiring. Mel then took me to my favorite place in Hot Springs to eat. Tomorrow we have a tee time but it is supposed to start raining tonight and continue through tomorrow. My guess is we won't play. Friday is supposed to be cold so I don't know if I want to play or not. Mel is now calling me "Curly" and I am telling him to be careful and not mess my hair whenever I get the chance. For those of you that haven't seen my hair I have a very thin hair Julius Caesar look. I hope everyone is having a good week. KTPC Love

In Hot Springs Village

We arrived Sunday after finishing getting everything we could off the hardwood floors. If I haven't mentioned it, while we are on this trip we are getting our hardwood refinished. Since about 75% of the house is hardwood it was a big job to get everything off the floors. We ended up leaving about 8 pieces we simply couldn't move ourselves.
Yesterday we played a course called DeSoto. I had not played it before and it was a pretty course very playable course. Unfortunately last week they had over 8 inches of rain so it was cart paths only. I debated whether to even try to play but I talked to the friends we were playing with and they said this was a pretty flat course. So I gave it my best try. I played 16 out of 18 holes. I sat out 15 and 16. A par 4 which had a huge hill and a par 5. So I think that was probably more than I played about a month ago on cart paths only.
Today we are playing Cortez. It also is supposed to be fairly flat. I will find out in a few minutes if we are still on cart paths only. Tomorrow we are taking the day off to go into Hot Springs and maybe Little Rock. We may end up not playing on Thursday because there is a 60% chance of rain. We are scheduled to play with our friends on Friday and I'm not sure what we will do on SAt. We can't go back until Sunday because of our floors. Hope everyone is having a good week. KTPC Love

Oncologist visit

Hi Everyone,
My radiation oncologist thought I was doing great. I have an appointment with my surgeon on the 30th. She said she thought the surgeon would scope me at that time which means I will get the news on the cancer.
I haven't said anything but my latest endeavor has been to write and design a brochure on "How to survive cancer treatment" . I took the finished product to my oncologist office and they loved it. I asked them if they knew how I could get permission through the hospital to leave them in various locations. They called someone who will get in touch with me for an interview. I am hoping they like it well enough to put it in their resource materials for cancer patients. That was the suggestion of one of the nurses who read it. If they aren't interested I will take their name off it and leave them around on my own! The nurses also suggested I contact the American Cancer Society and the Breast Foundation and let them look at it. Then they suggested if the hospital won't pay for printing go to some printing places and ask them to donate printing so I can leave them in oncologists offices and cancer clinics. So I guess this will be my new venture at least until I get turned down by everyone!
So I will be a bucket of nerves until the 30th. It is a double edged sword. I want to know but I don't want to know or should I say I am afraid to know the results of the treatment.
Mel and I are starting to put up all the stuff in the house to prepare to get our hardwood floors redone while we are gone next week. Yes another trip to play golf. Hopefully we will get to play and not get rained out all week like last week. We had rain and chill yesterday and today and supposed to have it through Thursday this week but then it is suppposed to clear up. I sure hope so. Cloudy skies get me down....
I will post before we leave for Hot Springs and probably while we are there since they have internet connection YEA! KTPC Love to all

Back from Arkansas

Hello from the wet region of Missouri. We had the same weather in Arkansas and therefore we got to play golf one day out of 4. It was scheduled to rain there today all day so we decided to come home early. The course we did play was nice but tough.
I didn't realize when I had hair that I have 2 birth marks right on the inside of the scalp line. They are little but there. My hair has grown just enough now to cover them up. My hair is growing however I really can't tell it is getting any thicker and it is really thin. Mel thinks it is but I think he is just trying to be nice about it. Anyway this week we will be home. Hopefully it will quit raining sometime. I was told we were predicted for 9 inches of rain over the last 3 days. Our back yard looks like a pond. Many people with basements are having flooding problems.
Hope you have a dry weekend and I'll check back in later. KTPC Love to all

Hi Everyone, Sorry about the 5 day delay. After playing Friday afternoon and Saturday I was wiped Sun, Mon, and Tues.
Friday afternoon my partner and I played in a "horserace". It is elimination golf, the worst go out of the game. We ended up coming in second against as we call them all the flat bellies (young guys). My partner is a senior player and a friend of ours and we had a great time. Saturday we had a good time too. Played pretty decent (I was happy) although we didn't win anything but we had a good time. Very relaxed.
Sunday since I had been playing all week some errands needed to be run so we went to a couple of grocery stores. By the time we got home I was exhausted. I could tell the week had caught up with me.
Monday I had my yearly physical which was interesting because I had never met the doc before. But I fell in love with him. He was hysterical and seemed genuinely interested in me and my health. However, I ended up getting both a flu shot and a pneumonia shot which kind of brought me down on Tuesday. I got up Tuesday and felt like I had no energy whatsoever. I was drained even more than I was on Monday. So I ran a couple of errands, did a little housework and took a long nap.
Today (Wednesday) I decided I would play. I felt better this morning but by the time I had played about 4-5 holes I again could feel the exhaustion coming over me. I went ahead and played all 18 because I was enjoying the company so much. That will be my golf for this week as tomorrow we can't play until afternoon and Friday and Sat I will start getting ready for a trip to Arkansas.
We are going to Fairfield Bay and in the info it says they only have computer hookup in 2 locations on the whole resort. I will take the computer down but don't get worried if I don't post anything. If it is a big inconvience to go somewhere to get computer access we probably won't.
The week after I get back is my appointment with my radiation oncologist. She has said she will release me to my surgeon after that appt. The time now seems to be flying. I don't know if that is good or bad. I guess we will see. KTPC Love to all

home from tournament

Hi Everyone, I got home last night about 7 really exhausted. Went to bed early and I have taken a nap already and may take another one before I have to leave for my next golf outing. I did pretty well but only with the good fortune that I was working with some very nice people. The director of golf at Winghaven in St. Louis was kind enough to give my partner and I a handicap flag for the tournament. The carts had been designated to stay on cart paths only, as they had 3-4 inches of rain right before we came up. The handicap flag allowed us to go out on the fairway if it looked dry enough to support a cart. Without that I would have only been able to play about 1/2 the holes maybe a few more as we played the practice round without one and I had to quit after about 12 holes. So I did get through the tournament though exhausted and of course being so tired started showing the third day of the round but that's ok because I had a great time seeing all my friends and I had a great time with my partner.
I had the most exciting thing happen while I was gone. I discovered that hair has started growing again under my arms. You can imagine the expression on my friends face when I ran excitedly up to her and said, "Guess what guess what?" I've got hair under my arms. At which she replied, " You know Rose, it just doesn't take much to excite you these days." Of course that is an indication the hair on my head is starting to grow again. Yea!!
I will keep you posted on how things go this afternoon and tomorrow (part two of the tournament) and I hope everyone has a great weekend. KTPC My love to all

Perceptions

You never know what you will find out about yourself or others in going through something like this. Some of the things absolutely amaze you. The true friend aspect (who is really there for you and who isn't that you thought would be). It's a very good thing I have other friends that help me put things into perspective as it could be very much of a downer.
Speaking of perspective. I was playing golf in the sunshine Friday (how sweet it is) and happened to get a glance of my shadow. Now I have worn my hair short for a long time (30 years) but I never noticed before how much my ears stuck out. I look like Obama (or Dumbo take your pick). I'm rationalizing to myself that even with short hair on your head going behind the ears it disguises some of how much the ears stick out. Either that or there is a new side effect of chemo and or radiation. Or Melvin married Dumbo . Again take your pick.
So needless to say I am starting to get a little impatient with the lack of hair. Melvin has started calling me curly. I keep thinking maybe I'm noticing it starting to grow but I can't really tell. And it needs to do more than just grow. It better start growing new hair or my hair will be so thin I won't ever be able to go out in the sun again without a hat.
I will be leaving early tomorrow morning for St. Louis for a golf tournament. We will be playing a practice round tomorrow afternoon, a regular round Wed afternoon and the final round Thurs morn. I don't have to drive so I will be able to nap on the way up and back. On Friday afternoon after I get home Thursday night I have 9 hole little tournament and then a continuation of that on Sat with 18 holes. I am praying I will have the strength to get thru it all. All of it is partner golf so that will help. I am also hoping my knee holds out. It has been doing pretty well with the brace but it is sore after 2 rounds. I have a feeling I may be icing it. (For those of you who don't know I was supposed to be having knee replacement this winter but for obvious reasons that will be postponed to next winter). So this will be my last post until Friday or maybe later. KTPC Love to all