Hi Everyone, Yes I know it has been about 3 weeks since I have posted anything. I will tell you that I have relished each day knowing that I am cancer free. I have an appointment on Monday to have my port flushed out and I have an appointment on Jan 4 to have it removed. It has been the maximum amount of time since I had it flushed so I can't wait until it is time to get it removed. I am still impatient with my hair. It has grown but I don't have any bangs yet to cover the forehead. I'm sure it will be another 2-3 months before it is back to normal. My fingernails have almost grown out from their nastiness. My thumb nails are still bad but they have improved. I am still on pain meds but not as often. Certain activities really seem to aggrevate the pain. I am getting to the Y about 3 times a week. It is disheartening because where I was once lifting 60-70 lbs on certain machines I am doing 40. But I have started to see some improvement. My walking has gotten faster and more sure. After I go to the Y I am pretty depleted for the rest of the day. After the Y, I can do things but not anything very tiring. I have started back to church and the choir. I sang in our special service last Sunday which was a joy.
We are celebrating our Christmas with Scott and his girl tomorrow. They will spend Christmas morning with her family and then they will get ready to go to Chicago on the 26th. Look for them on tv on the Sunday night football game (Bears vs Vikings) they will be sitting in the end zone. So Mel and I will have a very quiet Christmas. It's ok as I am enjoying the quiet and peacefulness of wellness. I hope you have a nice weekend and if I don't write sooner a very peaceful and joyful Christmas. Love to all

Doctor's Visit

I went to the surgeon's office today. I told Mel as Iwas walking out the door, "I will not be examined". Let's call a spade a dirty shovel here. I have been poked, operated on, chemoed, radiated, and scoped all in 5 months. I have not had a chance to heal from the first when the next occurs and so on. I am tired of everyone and their brother messing with my butt. So the nurse said, Undress from the waist down. I said, "no". She said "Yes you will". I said, "Not without a lot of protest". When the PA came in I told her "here's the deal. I still hurt. You examine me and hurt me and you will know it the people next door will know it maybe the whole first floor of the building will know it." She said I won't hurt you I promise. Right, and how many times have we heard that ? Well, she was gentle and it was uncomfortable but I couldn't classify it as hurt. I told her "my husband wanted me to let you know I still have times in the morning that I hurt so bad I can barely walk and I have to go soak in the tub. " She said, oh you still have a lot of tender tissue down there. (REALLY? Do you think?) Then she said, it is normal for you to take another 6 months to heal from the radiation. People don't realize what radiation does to their body. Well, I thought I did but not to this extent I guess. So I left with prescription in hand for my next colonoscopy prep (in May) and a waddle in my walk. I've gotten quite good at my duck imitation.
Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for. Right now,,,my life.
May God Bless and I will be writing again.

Joyous news!

I was told I would get results of the biopsies on the 30th of Nov. We received a letter today saying "there is no evidence of cancer". It will be a very thankful Thanksgiving. I'm sorry I haven't written but you really didn't want to read my whining about the fact I'm still having pain. This has been a real pain in the BUTT. Ha Ha! I think I am impatient about the pain this time because I feel pretty good otherwise. I am trying to get to the Y 3 times a week to do small workouts but I still tire pretty quickly.
My chemo doc will decide when I get my port out. I have another colonoscopy in 6 months but I'm hoping I will not have to wait until then to get the port out. I have an appointment with her in Feb so I'm hoping she will schedule it. It is an in office procedure with local anaesthesia.
I hope everyone has a great week and a great Thanksgiving. I will stay in touch. Thank you for the support and prayers. I can't say that enough. God Bless You

OWEE OWEE AGAIN

The pain killers wore off at about 2 pm. Wow. This is as bad if not worse as when I had the tumor removed. I am not sitting for more than about 2 minutes. Last night I tried my faithful tramadol and it didn't touch the pain. I waited a couple of hours and went to the percocet. I did cut them in half as I can't take hydrocodone and percocet is oxycodone with tylenol. They make me very sleepy but they do take care of the pain. (not enough to want to sit) I started today with a percocet and this afternoon took a tramadol with tylenol (as my internest had told me I could). It seems to be kicking in pretty good. The tramadol I don't get sleepy or have any side effects. So I will probably take those during the day and the percocet at night. Now you all know my drug history.
I have been receiving emails from all over. I can't help but worry the congrats may be too soon with the biopsy results still out but I'm still praying for the best. I did get good news today that my pap was clear. If you don't remember the surgeon told me these cancer cells are the same ones for cervical cancer so I will have to be very careful to get paps every year. I'll keep you posted on how the sitting is going. My love to all

Praise the Lord

Back from the hospital. All signs as of now, cancerous anal tumor is gone. We won't receive word on the biopsies until end of November. Also to make news even better, the mass that was seen in the colon is gone and the surgeon was able to remove the polyp this time. Right now all I have set is another colonoscopy in 6 months. I cried for 3 minutes when I found out I had cancer. I can't quit crying now. Go figure.
Biggest problem is I can't sit again. They numbed my rear so I can't imagine what it is going to feel like when the painkiller wears off. But I did get a prescription for percocet so I could be real happy tonight. That's ok though. I have been through this before.
I'm going to close I am exhausted. Thank you for all of your prayers. We will keep praying for the biopsies to come out clean. Love to all Rose

This weekend our church held its annual fall bazaar. At the bazaar they feature fair trade items. I went down to look over the wares to see if maybe I would run into a Christmas present. What I ran into (other than the homemade cinnamon rolls) was a necklace. Simple silver. I don't wear silver jewelry. But I kept looking at this and I couldn't leave it alone. I was quickly falling in love with it. I finally told the gal to hold it for me and I would come by her shop and pick it up. I did yesterday. When I got it home (wearing it of course) I started looking on the internet. It is an Egyptian cross. The Egyptians gave it the meaning "life" and Christians have adopted the cross with the meaning of eternal life. Coincidence? The cross has now become a part of me. The only problem is I have to get some silver earrings. What a problem!!! Hope you have a good day. KTPC love to all

Owee Owee Owee

That exam smarted. I put on my big girl face and gritted my teeth but just imagine nails scraping through your most sensitive area. Because they couldn't get exactly where they wanted to I will have another in 6 months. Hopefully I will be a lot more healed by then. Hopefully.
From having the little article published I was contacted by a gal in the organization who also had anal cancer and she has been cancer free for over 4 years. It was so nice to talk to someone with the same cancer. This is rare enough that you don't find many who have it. I will rest tomorrow other than going to the Y to get my work out in. I have been exhausted today. Mental stress and pain will do it to me every time. KTPC Love to all

Hello everyone,
Each day I go through I get closer to the day of knowing something. I am very nervous about this. I have made some great strides though in the process. I am not wearing a hat any longer (unless it is cold). I sang with the choir for the first time in a long time this last Sunday. I got to thinking I had better do this while I can since I may be looking at more surgery before too much longer. My hair still has a long way to go. But I look one step better than bald.
I also have had an article written about me and my plight. If you want to read it go to www.mowomensga.org on the right will be November newsletter or news and views. Click on that. When that comes up scroll down through all the tournament results until you start seeing articles about our members. Karen Johnson article is very interesting and so is the Sandy Zahner article. Enjoy. This is a great organization and I'm very proud to be apart of it.
I am really not looking forward to the prep on Wednesday (next) as I still have a tad of soreness from everything else. Well, it will be interesting to say the least. I have a doc appt tomorrow for a pelvic. Who knows what that will be like since it was burnt up along with everything else down there. Next Monday I have an appt to get my port flushed and blood work done for the oncologist. And then the dreaded prep on Wed. How fun life is!! Enjoy KTPC Love to all

Today was the visit with the surgeon. He wants to do some biopsies in the hospital and check me at that time. So I know nothing at this point. The biopsies are scheduled for Nov 12 along with a colonoscopy as you may or may not remember I had a polyp and something else in my colon which he found during the tumor surgery. He wants to take another look at that so he can prepare for surgery for that. It will have to be surgically removed he just wants to know if the polyp has grown any more and if the questionable mass has changed. Since they are right together he wouldn't be removing any more of the colon than he would for just the polyp. So more waiting. And I'm sure even after the 12th he will be able to tell us if the area looks cancer free from the scope but we will have to wait on the biopsies to know if they came out free.
On lighter news, I got a new car today. I loved my little Mercedes but it was getting harder and harder to get in and out of it and to get my golf clubs in and out so I sold it and got a Mazda Tribute. It was one of the few SUV/Crossover types that was small with good gas mileage and I could easily fit my golf clubs in the back. This is a moot point now but if any of you out there own a Mazda I would like to know how you have liked it and if it gave you good service. I hope everyone has a good weekend. KTPC love to all

Back from Hot Springs Village

Hi Everyone, We are back from HSV. We got in 2 days of golf on cart paths. We did some shopping and made trips into both Hot Springs and Little Rock the rest of the time. We had a good visit with our friends that live in the village (see pic).

We came home after a long ride on Hiway 7 thru Jasper (my favorite town in Ark) and came home to everything in the house (other than bedrooms) tarped. Doors were taken down. It was a mess. We quickly figured out we couldn't deal with not being able to get to the refrig, stove, coffee pot etc so we took down tarps, put up doors and tried to get a little back in order. The guy who did our floors wanted to wait until Friday until we moved any furniture back in (what????) but came over today and checked the floors. Everything was put in except the piano. So I spent the day getting stuff from upstairs, cleaning out closets before putting stuff back etc. I will have one more day of this and then we should be finished. The floors are beautiful though.

Dear Santa Claus

Dear Santa Claus, For Christmas I would like a full head of hair.
Well, now you all know my Christmas wish. Other things I have recently discovered my nails are acting like they may all fall out. After doing some research I think I may keep them but they will be really ugly for about 6 months. I have also had a relapse of chronic urticaria. Right now I am not planning on seeing the doc as the last one put me on so many drugs the chemo would look like childs play. If it hasn't gotten any better by the time I have my chemo oncologist appt I will talk to her about it.
We ran all over Hot Springs and Little Rock today shopping and just looking around. It was fun but tiring. Mel then took me to my favorite place in Hot Springs to eat. Tomorrow we have a tee time but it is supposed to start raining tonight and continue through tomorrow. My guess is we won't play. Friday is supposed to be cold so I don't know if I want to play or not. Mel is now calling me "Curly" and I am telling him to be careful and not mess my hair whenever I get the chance. For those of you that haven't seen my hair I have a very thin hair Julius Caesar look. I hope everyone is having a good week. KTPC Love

In Hot Springs Village

We arrived Sunday after finishing getting everything we could off the hardwood floors. If I haven't mentioned it, while we are on this trip we are getting our hardwood refinished. Since about 75% of the house is hardwood it was a big job to get everything off the floors. We ended up leaving about 8 pieces we simply couldn't move ourselves.
Yesterday we played a course called DeSoto. I had not played it before and it was a pretty course very playable course. Unfortunately last week they had over 8 inches of rain so it was cart paths only. I debated whether to even try to play but I talked to the friends we were playing with and they said this was a pretty flat course. So I gave it my best try. I played 16 out of 18 holes. I sat out 15 and 16. A par 4 which had a huge hill and a par 5. So I think that was probably more than I played about a month ago on cart paths only.
Today we are playing Cortez. It also is supposed to be fairly flat. I will find out in a few minutes if we are still on cart paths only. Tomorrow we are taking the day off to go into Hot Springs and maybe Little Rock. We may end up not playing on Thursday because there is a 60% chance of rain. We are scheduled to play with our friends on Friday and I'm not sure what we will do on SAt. We can't go back until Sunday because of our floors. Hope everyone is having a good week. KTPC Love

Oncologist visit

Hi Everyone,
My radiation oncologist thought I was doing great. I have an appointment with my surgeon on the 30th. She said she thought the surgeon would scope me at that time which means I will get the news on the cancer.
I haven't said anything but my latest endeavor has been to write and design a brochure on "How to survive cancer treatment" . I took the finished product to my oncologist office and they loved it. I asked them if they knew how I could get permission through the hospital to leave them in various locations. They called someone who will get in touch with me for an interview. I am hoping they like it well enough to put it in their resource materials for cancer patients. That was the suggestion of one of the nurses who read it. If they aren't interested I will take their name off it and leave them around on my own! The nurses also suggested I contact the American Cancer Society and the Breast Foundation and let them look at it. Then they suggested if the hospital won't pay for printing go to some printing places and ask them to donate printing so I can leave them in oncologists offices and cancer clinics. So I guess this will be my new venture at least until I get turned down by everyone!
So I will be a bucket of nerves until the 30th. It is a double edged sword. I want to know but I don't want to know or should I say I am afraid to know the results of the treatment.
Mel and I are starting to put up all the stuff in the house to prepare to get our hardwood floors redone while we are gone next week. Yes another trip to play golf. Hopefully we will get to play and not get rained out all week like last week. We had rain and chill yesterday and today and supposed to have it through Thursday this week but then it is suppposed to clear up. I sure hope so. Cloudy skies get me down....
I will post before we leave for Hot Springs and probably while we are there since they have internet connection YEA! KTPC Love to all

Back from Arkansas

Hello from the wet region of Missouri. We had the same weather in Arkansas and therefore we got to play golf one day out of 4. It was scheduled to rain there today all day so we decided to come home early. The course we did play was nice but tough.
I didn't realize when I had hair that I have 2 birth marks right on the inside of the scalp line. They are little but there. My hair has grown just enough now to cover them up. My hair is growing however I really can't tell it is getting any thicker and it is really thin. Mel thinks it is but I think he is just trying to be nice about it. Anyway this week we will be home. Hopefully it will quit raining sometime. I was told we were predicted for 9 inches of rain over the last 3 days. Our back yard looks like a pond. Many people with basements are having flooding problems.
Hope you have a dry weekend and I'll check back in later. KTPC Love to all

Hi Everyone, Sorry about the 5 day delay. After playing Friday afternoon and Saturday I was wiped Sun, Mon, and Tues.
Friday afternoon my partner and I played in a "horserace". It is elimination golf, the worst go out of the game. We ended up coming in second against as we call them all the flat bellies (young guys). My partner is a senior player and a friend of ours and we had a great time. Saturday we had a good time too. Played pretty decent (I was happy) although we didn't win anything but we had a good time. Very relaxed.
Sunday since I had been playing all week some errands needed to be run so we went to a couple of grocery stores. By the time we got home I was exhausted. I could tell the week had caught up with me.
Monday I had my yearly physical which was interesting because I had never met the doc before. But I fell in love with him. He was hysterical and seemed genuinely interested in me and my health. However, I ended up getting both a flu shot and a pneumonia shot which kind of brought me down on Tuesday. I got up Tuesday and felt like I had no energy whatsoever. I was drained even more than I was on Monday. So I ran a couple of errands, did a little housework and took a long nap.
Today (Wednesday) I decided I would play. I felt better this morning but by the time I had played about 4-5 holes I again could feel the exhaustion coming over me. I went ahead and played all 18 because I was enjoying the company so much. That will be my golf for this week as tomorrow we can't play until afternoon and Friday and Sat I will start getting ready for a trip to Arkansas.
We are going to Fairfield Bay and in the info it says they only have computer hookup in 2 locations on the whole resort. I will take the computer down but don't get worried if I don't post anything. If it is a big inconvience to go somewhere to get computer access we probably won't.
The week after I get back is my appointment with my radiation oncologist. She has said she will release me to my surgeon after that appt. The time now seems to be flying. I don't know if that is good or bad. I guess we will see. KTPC Love to all

home from tournament

Hi Everyone, I got home last night about 7 really exhausted. Went to bed early and I have taken a nap already and may take another one before I have to leave for my next golf outing. I did pretty well but only with the good fortune that I was working with some very nice people. The director of golf at Winghaven in St. Louis was kind enough to give my partner and I a handicap flag for the tournament. The carts had been designated to stay on cart paths only, as they had 3-4 inches of rain right before we came up. The handicap flag allowed us to go out on the fairway if it looked dry enough to support a cart. Without that I would have only been able to play about 1/2 the holes maybe a few more as we played the practice round without one and I had to quit after about 12 holes. So I did get through the tournament though exhausted and of course being so tired started showing the third day of the round but that's ok because I had a great time seeing all my friends and I had a great time with my partner.
I had the most exciting thing happen while I was gone. I discovered that hair has started growing again under my arms. You can imagine the expression on my friends face when I ran excitedly up to her and said, "Guess what guess what?" I've got hair under my arms. At which she replied, " You know Rose, it just doesn't take much to excite you these days." Of course that is an indication the hair on my head is starting to grow again. Yea!!
I will keep you posted on how things go this afternoon and tomorrow (part two of the tournament) and I hope everyone has a great weekend. KTPC My love to all

Perceptions

You never know what you will find out about yourself or others in going through something like this. Some of the things absolutely amaze you. The true friend aspect (who is really there for you and who isn't that you thought would be). It's a very good thing I have other friends that help me put things into perspective as it could be very much of a downer.
Speaking of perspective. I was playing golf in the sunshine Friday (how sweet it is) and happened to get a glance of my shadow. Now I have worn my hair short for a long time (30 years) but I never noticed before how much my ears stuck out. I look like Obama (or Dumbo take your pick). I'm rationalizing to myself that even with short hair on your head going behind the ears it disguises some of how much the ears stick out. Either that or there is a new side effect of chemo and or radiation. Or Melvin married Dumbo . Again take your pick.
So needless to say I am starting to get a little impatient with the lack of hair. Melvin has started calling me curly. I keep thinking maybe I'm noticing it starting to grow but I can't really tell. And it needs to do more than just grow. It better start growing new hair or my hair will be so thin I won't ever be able to go out in the sun again without a hat.
I will be leaving early tomorrow morning for St. Louis for a golf tournament. We will be playing a practice round tomorrow afternoon, a regular round Wed afternoon and the final round Thurs morn. I don't have to drive so I will be able to nap on the way up and back. On Friday afternoon after I get home Thursday night I have 9 hole little tournament and then a continuation of that on Sat with 18 holes. I am praying I will have the strength to get thru it all. All of it is partner golf so that will help. I am also hoping my knee holds out. It has been doing pretty well with the brace but it is sore after 2 rounds. I have a feeling I may be icing it. (For those of you who don't know I was supposed to be having knee replacement this winter but for obvious reasons that will be postponed to next winter). So this will be my last post until Friday or maybe later. KTPC Love to all

Played today with the ladies. Shot an 82. I did reach a par 5 in 3 for the first time. I am starting to find out a little more what I need to hit and actually starting to be able to hit a little less with my shorter irons. I think part of it may be I'm starting to get my timing back after not having played all summer. I plan on playing tomorrow and then resting as I have a tournament in St. Louis on Tues-Thurs. It is a scramble tournament so there won't be as much pressure plus as my partner said we are purely playing for grins and giggles. I will touch base with everyone before I leave for St. Louis. KTPC Love to all

Went to the doc this morning. The big concern was the white blood cell count. She said mine is doing quite good. Low normal is 4700 and mine was 4600. So I should be in the low normal count before very much longer. Everything else checked out fine. I have another appointment with her in 8 weeks for blood work and port flush. In October I have another radiation doc appt at which time I will be handed over to the surgeon. He will then do a analoscopy (something like that) and that will give us the word as to whether the treatment worked. If it done I will need to have checks every 3 months for a while. So for now it is sit and wait. But I plan to stay as busy as possible. Hope everyone had a good weekend. Love to all KTPC

2 days in a row

Played golf on Thursday with the ladies league. It was my first 18 holes all by myself play it as it lies. I shot an 86 with a 41 on the front. The front is shorter so I can still reach the holes in regulation. The back has longer holes and with my lack of strength it takes me an extra stroke to reach some of the holes in regulation. It was great to get out and play with the gals.
So I got really ambitious and played another 18 today. My calves and thighs of my legs are yelping like little puppies. They are asking me what the heck I think I am doing after no exercise at all for 8 weeks. The best news is I shot a 36 on the front side and then doubled several holes on the back which put me at a 82 total. But I saw some minor improvement from Monday to today. Now I am going to rest for 3 days and let my body take care of itself by just doing some walking etc. Tuesday I will play again and then I will see what the rest of the week will bring.
We started choir practice back up and I was so happy to see everyone. I will go to practice but will not sing on Sundays yet. We will start working on Thanksgiving music before long and if things go as I think I should be ready to sing on Sundays about end of October or mid November. Monday I have a doc appointment to check my blood levels and talk to the chemo doc and flush my port out. They will have to do that about every month until they remove the port. I'm thinking removing the port will be my surgeons decision since he was the one who put it in. I'm about ready to rest my legs for awhile. I hope everyone has a great weekend. KTPC Love to all

More golf

On Sunday I went to church for the first time since June. I am a little leary because of being around so many people I still have to be careful as my resisitance is still down. But it was a great sermon and I really enjoyed seeing everyone.
On Monday I pushed Melvin into playing golf with a group of our friends. We played a 4 person scramble which was good for me because it was the first time I was out for 18 holes. I hit all shots except 4 drives on the back nine. I could tell I was getting tired plus the heat was getting to me. You have to realize I have spent 6 weeks in airconditioned environment. But I finished strong by birdieing #17 on my own for the team and hitting a good drive on #18.
This morning I walked Maggie my walk around the neighborhood. It is probably about a 1/2 mile walk with one good size hill to walk up. I didn't know how I would do but I got through it fine of course I wasn't speed walking either. I might try to go again tonight after it cools off. By the way on the walk we saw 10 deer. We have triplet fawns and I got to within 30 feet of them I could have died that I didn't have my phone or camera with me. I also saw a family group of a 6 point buck, doe and 2 fawns. Now you all know why we love our neighborhood. Today I plan to do errands and rest up but I'm signed up to play with the gals tomorrow and I hope I can get through 18 on my own.
I did end up cancelling playing in a tournament next week. It was a 3 day play your own ball tournament and if it is hot I just don't think I am ready for 3 consecutive days of golf without any help. The following week I am going up to St. Louis for a 3 day scramble tournament and I'm excited about that. One of the days we tee off at 8 am so I know the heat won't be too bad that day. I also have a friend driving me up so I won't be worn out from the drive. I'll keep you posted how I do tomorrow. Love to all KTPC

Wednesday I did not get out to play because of rain. I did go to a couple of stores with Melvin and walked through those. I was disappointed about the golf.
Yesterday I had a friend who took me over to the golf course to see all the gals. It was great. We drove around and watched them play. Riding is actually harder than walking because my rear is still sore. So after riding around for about 1 1/2 hours I was ready to go home. I went home and took a nap and went back out to the club to practice putt and I tried to hit some wedge shots. It wasn't pretty but it didn't bother me too much. I then joined the gals for lunch which was a treat.
So that brings us to today. My friend that took me yesterday morning said she wanted to play this morning 9 holes and wanted to know if I wanted to play. I told her I might not last the whole way but I wanted to try. So we went out this morning. When she teed off on #1 I got my driver out. She said are you really going to try to hit? I said yes, I might as well try. Well, to make a long story short I ended up parring 6 out of 9 holes. I figured out very quick my strength was about gone so I adjusted by hitting more club than what I would normally hit. But it worked. I know my strength will eventually come back. 9 holes was all I could do but after I did meet a neighbor for lunch and we went into a couple of shops. Between that and golf I was tired. But I've come a long way. I made a tee time for Mel and I to play with a bunch of couples on Monday. It has been a long time since we played together and I'm looking forward to it. I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend. KTPC Love

BOOHYA

That is what I'm talking about. Today I drove to the video store dropped a video off. Shopped at a s tore nearby for shoes and hats (didn't buy either) then went to another shoe store and found shoes and bought shoes. Then went to lunch at Mickey D's and woofed a cheeseburger and apple slices with a sweet tea. Got home and didn't fall asleep. TOMORROW THE GOLF COURSE. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

Learned a lesson today. Don't forget the pain killers. I'm not ready yet. I did some light housework this morning. Melvin took me to the video store and I went to the chiropracter to get adjusted. I also made a lunch appt for Friday. I think that is kind of daring for me but my appetite is getting better everyday. I have switched from Ensure to boost and it does taste a little better. I am trying to concentrate on eating foods that are high in protein. I am trying to build up more endurance but really need to start walking and trying to get out on the golf course. Going to eat dinner. Have a good one. KTPC I still need them as I still have a lot of healing to go....Love

Went out tonight

For the first time since my last chemo I went out to eat. I didn't eat much and my stomach is rumbling but I got out. I also went to the post office this morning. Just for everyone to note while all of this has been going on I have been working on state golf tournaments, taking entries, recording them in computer, and on and on. There were days I really rather wouldn't have been doing it and a few days the work might have even set me back. but as a woman of my word I have kept my responsibility beyond my best capability.
I have been told by a friend and pharmacist the best way to get myself back is to force feed myself the ensure. The stuff gags me. So I found some ice cream and ended up trying to make a shake out of it. I may never drink milk shakes again but it make the ensure tolerable. Something has to make these taste better if anyone has any other ideas please email me or post a comment. I'm in a catch 22 in that I don't have any energy because I'm not eating enough but I can't over eat because my stomach can't take it.
I am waiting to see if I lose any more of my hair. It was about this time after the first chemo that I lost my hair so I keep expecting to lose more. And then I wonder how long it will take for it to start growing again. Anyone have any insight on this one? Again I would appreciate some input. I know I have some people reading the blog that have gone through this so your comments would be greatly appreciated. I'm going to close for now. KTPC and my love to all

Still slow

I am doing a little better each day. I still am napping 2 hours each day. And very much of anything beyond walking around the house exhausts me. I usually have about 2 hours of bad time which my body adjusts or does something (I won't go into details). I also have some very sore spots that I have to address and are giving me problems in sitting. But I am trying to eat more. Food is more appetizing. I just have to be careful not to overload my stomach because I dearly pay if I do. A full meal for me is a pudding cup filled with a little meat a little veg and some applesauce. This all in one cup. Or I can eat 1/2 of a sandwich. I still have to be very careful of dairy products, which I hate because they have so much protein in them. I need the protein very badly to start rebuilding all the cells that have been killed off.
Melvin is playing golf again so you know I must be doing better or he wouldn't be leaving me. I know this is not much news but actually that is a good thing. I definitely don't want a set back. I hope you all have a nice evening. KTPC Love to all

Slowly so slowly

Hey everyone, (That is a weak hey) I am still on the couch. I have spent my whole summer on the couch. A question came up at the dinner table (which I tried sitting at even though I'm not eating much) and I answered the question from all the tv I have been watching. My throat has improved enough that I can eat, the problem is my stomach is not really ready to accept food. I can eat a small piece of cheese and a little applesauce or a few spoons of vegies of some kind. But that's it. If I remember correctly it was two weeks before I could even think of eating meat and other heavy foods. So I will look forward to that this coming week. Some of my lower sore areas are starting to heal. I still have several areas a couple of them really bad but I am seeing some improvement. I still don't try to travel very far from a bathroom.
A love story. About 3 nights ago I was taking med for my mouth at night. Night time does not agree with my stomach. Melvin was already in bed tucked in. One medication I have to use as a mouthwash makes me gag severly. In the middle of having a bout of almost throwing up he is at my side rubbing my back. That may not sound like much to you but this is a man that can't stand to hear look or smelll at anything and he gags. Enough said.
Tomorrow he is going out of town to play a course he has never had the opportunity to play. We have friends (the guy will be playing with him) and the wife is going to come over and check on me. I really wanted him to go as he has had to cancel so many opportunities to play this summer. He will leave early but be home by 5.
Scott made a comment tonight that he had never seen my legs look so thin. The problem is I don't have much muscle tone left either. I'm going to have a lot of work to do this winter to get my muscle tone built back up. Scott also said he thought I may want to put some weight back on. He knows how to be a diplomat.
Appreciate each and every one of you for all you do. Hopefully the posts will become more and more positive. KTPC Love

I would like to say I am a little bit better but not by much. I am one walking ooz pit. I am really ready for my mouth to get better as there isn't anything I can eat and I hate ensure. I am getting down yogurt and liquid. I am afraid to do dairy because of aggrevating the diarrhea. I know this hasn't been very positive but I wanted to post something at least every other day. Some of you are following so faithfully I'm afraid you will get worried. I appreciate each and everyone of you. Love to all. KTPC

More truth and ugly

Good news bad news. All of my treatment is over. Both chemo and radiation. Radiation is a funny thing. It sneaks up on you. After 20 treatments there was a little soreness (enough to use a pillow to sit) but after 26 I have 2nd degree burns all over my bottom area. Now I have blisters all over that are popping. My underwear is soaked from the blister water. Skin is peeling off in chunks some as large as my hand. And no area has been spared. I repeat ladies, no area has been spared. I was given topical pain medication for the pain. I might mention when my doc had me pull down my pants to see how things were going her voice choked with what she saw. She asked Mel if he would assist me in applying the pain med and he told me later he is afraid to touch me with the way it looks.
Now add to that diarrhea and vomiting have started and my mouth is all nasty again and those of you that have called know why I am not talking on the phone. Needless to say with all of this I have lost about another 5 lbs.
I am hoping I will be doing better by next week. Doc said better but it would be about 2 weeks for the radiation effects to get a lot better. That should be the same amount of time I need to recoop from the side effects from the chemo. So, I need to close this as other things are calling. Please add comments or send emails. KTPC Love to all

Here's the truth and it's not pretty

First of all I want to tell you for my birthday yesterday Melvin got me 1 doz red roses. He felt so bad he couldn't take me to dinner or do anything for me other than be there for me. The roses are beautiful and I am thoroughly enjoying them even though I can't smell them (due to nausea).

So I thought it was time to give you all some insight into what I am going through. I know I have kind of doing that but this will give you a total picture.

Starting from the head down. I have small headaches about 50% of the time. I am having a huge amount of mucous drainage for which I am taking medicine. My sense of smell is extremely sensitive. Any little funky smell and I get very nauseated. My mouth feels like it has been burned and I have the nastiest taste in my mouth. Nothing will get rid of it. My teeth and gums hurt. I feel semi nauseated all the time. (I'm taking medicine for that also). I also alternate between chills and being hot. (But no temperature)
Below the belt. From the hair line in the private area I am bright red from burns. This continues to the back with the burns going about 1=2 inches beyond where my leg attaches to my body. So needless to say any underwear is a killer. I have burns extending out on the cheeks of the butt again about 2-3 inches. I get to put salve on all the burn areas 3 times a day. It helps for about 2 hours.
So everything above the belt is from the chemo. Everything below the belt is from radiation. I have been told the radiation effects will leave faster than the chemo effects even though the radiation will keep working for 1 month after I finish treatment. (Monday is my last day) Tomorrow I get disconnected from the chemo. With the side effects I am currently having I am hoping that my side effects aren't worse the second week like they were after the first chemo. I know it will probably take a week after I am disconnected to start feeling human again. But I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope all of you realize this was written for informational purposes. The next time you know someone going through chemo and or radiation you will realize that saying hope you have a great day isn't quite what you want to say. There really aren't any great days. There are bad days and days not so bad. Prayers are the best and letting the person know you are there for them. Which all of you have done for me and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it and love you for it.
Hopefully the rest of this blog will be about my recovery and way back to decent health. Hope you have a great weekend. KTPC Rose

At 9:30 tonight I will be half way thru my chemo. I am having trouble writing this as I am laying down and my stomach is acting up. I have a feeling I will be needing my nausea medication before long. I just hope it takes care of the problem. My nose has also started acting up. Some smells make me sick. That is an indication my food consumption will start going down. So, if I don't write tomorrow you know it has become a major feat to do so. At least I will have the PGA championship to entertain me over the next 2 days. Thank you for all of your prayers and cards. Love to all

2 lb weight on my hip

I made it through getting hooked up to chemo today. Everyday I am told something different. Do the docs not know how frustrating this is for someone who feels so out of control anyway? Today I was informed the chemo would be for 5 days not 4. We made the guy prove it by showing us the written orders by the doc because we were definitely told 4 days. So I will be disconnected on Sat morning. The plus side is supposedly this is not as strong as the first one and of course I don't have one drug at all. Which should be better. He also said that after I get through with the treatment the first week after will be a side effect week but after that I should get better quickly if I make an effort to do so. Quickly of course means several months but that is for 90% recovery. I also don't have to have the chemo bag changed every day I have enough in one pouch to last until I'm through. So that will be one less hassle also. On Saturday someone will arrive at my house at promptly 9 something to disconnect me as I was hooked up at 9 something. (9:20) 120 hours of continuous crap....
I have to admit I'm already getting a taste in my mouth. It's not bad its not good its just annoying. But that will be the guy that will cut down my appetite because I get to the point I can't taste much.
I did want to tell you I ran into a friend of mine at BPS on Friday. She is going through her 2nd cancer treatment. With the same docs that I have. It is a different type of cancer but still talking to her just made me feel so good. I didn't feel like I was so alone out there. I mean I see all the people in the docs offices getting treatment and know there are large amounts of people in similar situations but to sit down and compare notes particularly when she has had previous experience was just relief or I don't know it's hard to describe.
So, I will keep all of you posted. The second countdown will start after I sleep with my little guy (pump/chemo) tonight. KTPC this week and next week will be biggies. Love to all

Another day another experience

Yesterday I surprised myself. I wanted Melvin to take me to Bass Pro Shop so I could look/purchase about 4 items. For those of you who have been in the store know it is huge. I thought I would have to sit and direct Melvin but I walked to the back corner of the store and then to the 2nd floor and looked around up there. I then walked to where the car was parked. After that we went to the pharmacy at MSU and the gals have been asking about me so I went in to say hi to them. Then I had my back adjusted because I was having back pain. I did sleep for about a hour in the afternoon but then we went out to Old Chicago for a nice early birthday celebration. Unfortunately when I got up this morning I found out there was more to my back pain.
I had all the symptoms of urinary tract infection. Now my radiation doc has been expecting this because the main question for her is are you peeing ok? So I call the office thinking I will get an oncall doc with it being Saturday, and instead I was told to go to urgent care. So Mel and I head out at 8:30 this morning to urgent care and guess what, I was right. So now I'm on antibiotics for the urinary tract infection. What fun!
I can tell that I have gained some strength so I'm glad about that. I want everything I have to face this next round of chemo.
I hope you are having a good weekend. It was really hot today but it is supposed to be cooler tomorrow and next week. KTPC Look for next weeks adventures! Love you

Hairless?

I'm not growing any hair anyplace. It has been a week since I have had to shave. Ladies, don't get excited the trade off is not worth it. I am still losing bits of hair on my head. I actually have 1 bald spot. I'm waiting until I look like a little old man with fringe. I'm actually hoping it does that because with a cap it still looks like I have some hair. I'm really hoping I don't lose my eyebrows and eyelashes. I just can't imagine that.
I ended up going into the doc office yesterday (unplanned) because I was getting very nervous about the next round of chemo and the lack of info anyone was telling me. I did get someone to sit down and answer our questions. I found out that someone will come to where I have radiation and they will use one of the doc offices to "hook me up". I will get my anti nausea med first but this time I will not get the one drug that only lasts for one hour. After the anti nausea drug I will go straight to the 24 hour drip. They will put it on a portable pump in a pack with it hooked into my port and off I go. Each day when I go to radiation there will be someone there to change the bag until Friday when they unhook me. Sounds simple enough. If only it goes that easy.
I have been feeling pretty good today. I did have about a 2 hour nap this morning. But it allowed me to make a couple of phone calls and visit with Scott when he came over for awhile. And I did do about 10 minutes of house cleaning after I came home from radiation. So it wasn't a completely worthless day.
We have the weekend coming up. I hope everyone has a good one. It is supposed to be pretty warm here so I will staying inside keeping myself occupied (as usual). KTPC Love to all

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I felt like I could do just a little around the house. Today was different. I don't know if it was because of what I did yesterday or just one of those days. Some days are definitely better than others.
I think part of the problem today was I sat for a longer time than I should have when my pain med was nearing wear off time. I have to kind of plan when I sit. Right now I am semi lying on the couch. Thank goodness for batteries and wireless networking. The radiation doc said I looked like I was doing better but warned me of the future (next week). I did ask about the med that I have to apply with gloves and the nurse said it is a big to do over the fact they want a sterile enviornment. She said I could apply it with my hands just as long as I washed them before and after of course. So evidently it isn't as potent as what the instructions said.
Ken, I enjoyed your comments and memories. Others that read it are going to wonder what kind of family I married into but I declare it is the best. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Hope everyone is having a good week. Love to all

One more side effect

Hi Everyone,
Just when it seems things are starting to smooth out something else comes up. On Friday, I found some bumps in areas I am not supposed to have bumps. I called the radiation doc and they prescribed me a new (another) med because this is a type of infection. The medicine is scary. The directions are you are supposed to apply it with gloves and double wash your hands. So I'm wondering if I'm going to have any underwear left after using this stuff. I mean will it burn holes in my underwear? Can I expect to be walking around and all of sudden have strings surrounding me? Oh well, I guess I will wait and see on that one.
Hope all of you are having a good weekend. It started out rainy here but is starting to clear up and is supposed to be clear all day tomorrow. Scott and his girl are supposed to come over tomorrow to cook Mel and I dinner. Scott's girl is from a farm and they butchered chickens with Scott kind of helping so he brought us some chickens. But that is another story. Hope you have a good Sunday. KTPC Love to all.

News on the next round of chemo

Hi Everyone, Had all my doc appts today. My blood levels were to be expected. The doc was quite pleased with the way my mouth had healed up. She told me not to wait as long next time (yes there very well can be a next time) and they would get medicine to me pronto. She also refilled my pain med. The news is now my chemo will start on the 10th and I will do it as outpatient. She needed me to start it earlier in the week so I would finish it when someone could disconnect me. (Which is not on a Sunday if you are outpatient). So I will finish my 2nd round of chemo on my birthday. I guess that is all of my news for now. I appreciate all the prayers. Thanks so much Love to all

I can do this I can do this

I am the little engine that could. I can do this I can do this. I hate pain medication. I hate feeling out of control enough that I have to take it. But not being able to sleep or sit or do anything comfortably has promoted to taking pain meds. I am staying strong in that I an not taking any narcotic however, I get such relief from the meds as soon as they start kicking in I fall asleep. The pain meds are allowing me to get this out to you today.
Tomorrow I have blood lab and a visit with the chemo doc. She will decide if the next round will be done at home or at the hospital. I just want to get it over with.
We ended up having a nice day. I kicked Mel out to play golf since it is supposed to rain tomorrow and I have my doc appts. I spent the day on the couch doing more sleeping than anything else. He is so worried about me he doesn't play well. But there is no reason for him to hang and watch me sleep. I can get up and get my water and bites to eat.
I hope all of you are having a good summer and are enjoying this cool July. I wish I could enjoy more of it but I will get my chance another time. Thank you for all the cards. Many of you have been so faithful sending me a card every week or so and I really do appreciate it. KTPC Love to all

I'm still here!

Sorry I haven't written in a couple of days. Everything is status quo. My mouth is still in fair enough shape that I can eat most foods. My stomach isn't up to most foods however. I still have to be a little picky. I have now progressed to multiple cremes and ointments for the below the belt areas from the radiation. Tomorrow is actually my mid way thru the radiation.
I did two things yesterday which I'm excited about. I made a phone call to MSU about lady bear tickets for this winter. We are supposed to be hearing about those in a couple of weeks. I also made reservations for Hot Springs in October. We always enjoy going there and playing golf and visiting with some friends of ours who retired there. I also went to the video store by myself. That one little trip was worth 2 hours of nap time. Other than that I am keeping the humming bird feeders filled and the bird feeder filled so I can watch the birds. I appreciate all who are praying for me. Keep the prayers coming. My love to all

Last night I paid for overeating. I was up almost every hour but it still was worth it. I took it easier with the food today and I ate soup for dinner.
After showering this morning and washing my hair I looked at the drain and I had about a cup of hair on the drain. So I made a call to my beautician and ran down and got the hair really cut down. It's 1/2 inch long which is not much hair. But that way I will have less to clean out of the drain. What was amazing the hair was dark almost black. Those of you who know me know my hair is gray. If you lose hair you don't lose the gray? Is that justice?
Another question, What happens to mosquitoes when they bite you and you have all this stuff in your blood? Melvin was saying he was getting bit tonight as we were sitting outside, but nothing was biting me. Maybe they know my blood is a death sentence.
We had a rainy day today but the sun finally came out late this afternoon. I have to admit the rain doesn't help my disposition a lot. So I am very happy to see the sun.
I hope you are having a good weekend. I'm hoping for a sunny day tomorrow. God Bless

I ATE REAL FOOD

I had an Ensure (ENDURE) for breakfast this morning. I am getting desperate to get calories and protein in me. But for lunch I ate 2 pieces of deli turkey and a few pieces of hard cheese with applesauce. This evening Mel took me to Old Chicago (early before it got crowded) and I actually ate 1 1/2 meatballs and some spaghetti. Then I ate about 1/3 of a piece of cheesecake. Poor Mel had to eat the rest of the cheesecake. I saved the spaghetti and meatballs for tomorrow night for my protein. My stomach is doing a lot (LOT) of rumbling but it sure felt good to eat regular food. That was my first real food other than little bits of anything since July 10.
Last night Mel couldn't figure out what he wanted to eat. After really giving it a lot of thought I finally said I'd be delighted if you join me and I'll flip the top to an Ensure. You have your choice of 3 flavors. For some reason he didn't get real excited about the offer.
So tomorrow I get to sleep in a little. Actually I sleep a lot due to the fact I am having trouble sitting comfortably and I can't stand for very long so I lie down which then I fall asleep. But I guess my body needs it.
I've had another interesting side effect. My skin is blistering and peeling like I have been burned. I had been noticing the skin on my hands was feeling different. It had the same feeling as if I had burned it but without the burn. Last night I felt a spot on my thumb and it was a spot about the size of a quarter that looked like it had burned and was dead skin. How weird is that?
I'm getting an inkling that my hair is starting to fall out or thin. When I rub my hand through my hair I end up with 5-6 pieces of hair in them.
I hope everyone has a great weekend. It will be status quo for me. Love to all

I was feeling well enough today I took a trip to the video store. Normally after I go to radiation and eat I am tired enough to take a nap which I had done. Mel dropped me off at the front of the store and I walked most of the way back looking at movies and then back up. After the video store he took me for a 10 minute ride around the neighborhood. That 25 minute excursion tired me that I slept close to 2 hours in the afternoon. As short of a time that it has been it seems like a long time since my life has been normal.
I have resorted to the thing I had said I wouldn't do and that is drinking Ensure for nutrition. But since my sport drinks weren't doing well with my system and I just can't get enough other foods in me for one reason or another I thought I would bite the bullet. I really want to try to get my body built back up before the next chemo round Aug 5. This seems to be the only way.
I am missing the member guest at Millwood this weekend. It kills me almost as much as all the physical problems to not be out there. But you gotta do what you gotta do and I guess this is it for me right now.
The gals who do the radiation are getting pretty curious about me. I take in CD's to listen to and so far they have seen Kenny Chesney, Sheryl Crow, and Natalie Cole. I think they are wondering what will come next. I tease them and tell them how much I am jamming to the music (of course I have to be absolutely still). What they don't know is I have one finger doing a mean drum beat with the music (and it's under a blanket so they can't see it). So I have one more day and I will have 2 weeks done of radiation (out of 5). I don't quite feel like I can see the light at the end yet. But I will before too much longer. Hope everyone has a good evening. KTPC Love to all

I had a better day today. I can tell my mouth is starting to heal. It has healed enough that I can carefully eat a few things that I wasn't able 2 days ago.
Mel played golf today. He didn't have a very good golf day but we had a beautiful weather day. I sat on the back patio for over an hour today and caught up on some correspondance. I'm amazed at what I appreciate now over what I did 2 months ago. Just feeling well enough to sit outside versus whether I can make it through 27 holes of golf in one day. Quite a change.
I am still receiving cards from many of you and I do appreciate it. My entry hall table is filled with the cards and I look through them from time to time. I also appreciate the comments in the blog and the email keeping me caught up on what is going on. I miss seeing everyone but I really think it is in my best interest to stay rather isolated until I can get through the worse of all of this. I hope you had a nice of a day as I had. KTPC Love to all

Tough couple of days

Sorry to leave everyone hanging for a couple of days. Sunday was just a rest catch up day. My mouth started getting some worse so I tried not to do much thinking that would help. (That was stupid)
Monday was described by Melvin as the morning from hell. We started at radiation at 6:50 am the machine was down so we waited until about 8 until the doc could see me. My mouth tongue and throat by this time were bleeding sores. She does pain and control for lower part of the body so she set me up to go see the other oncologist. I also had to have a blood lab. By the time all of that got over with and I got back to the radiation to get my treatment (machine had been fixed) it was after 11 am. The plus side was I got some medicine for my mouth that I can take and it is slowly healing up the sores and the yeast infection I have to go along with it. Today I was in radiation, I also saw a nutritionist, and went back for a mouth check. She agreed with me that after a half day it was looking better.
The biggest problem I'm having is trying to drink enough to stay hydrated and find foods I can eat and swallow. I did get a powder protein to add to water that I am taking to try to add more protein to the diet. I have tried the shakes and they are aggrevating the already problematic d%$#r#@* (I just hate that word hope you can figure it out).
Think of all the nasty things in life they seem to have nasty words to go with them. Mucous, the d word, the getting sick to your stomach word. None of these leave pretty pictures in your mind. We need some new words for these terms like forest rainfall, or golden sunlight, just something. What did the word people do? Think up the nastiest words they could find for the nastiest things? I guess so.
Mel got a call from three of his nephews that they were coming up to visit. One is the nephew working in Saudi and sometimes it is 2 years before we can see him and his family. So they started coming in at about 4 in the afternoon. Hung around until about 6:30 when Mel took them out to eat came back to vist until about 9:30. I was pooped and my throat hurt so I pulled up away from the crowd for the evening visit. They came back this morning for a short visit before they each took off for their own destinations. I really enjoyed seeing them. I hope they understand about my not hugging everyone. Quite obviously if my resistance wasn't down I wouldn't be having the mouth problems. Therefore, I am really staying very cautious around people. Pretty much only going out when I have to or for rides with Melvin. I'm running him ragged with needed medicines and food requests. I'm really hoping that I can write in this blog by the end of the week I am starting to eat some good soft foods. Like cheesecake, or pasta or fruits (which I can't eat because of the acidity) or cheesecake. Did I repeat myself? Hope you all have a good day in the rain if you are local. It's supposed to be nice tomorrow. I will try to run Mel out to play tomorrow if he feels like it. KTPC My love

I have toxic waste coming from several orifices of my body. My body is telling me so. I have to double flush the commode and make sure I pick up all kleenexes. I try to be very careful around the dogs. I don't let them lick me or get my kleenexes. How I feel will vary so much from one part of the day to another it's almost funny. This morning I felt pretty good. I felt strong enough to make it over to my chiropracters office and get adjusted. Chemo does bad things to the bodies alignment. Anyway by this afternoon I started to do something and realized I had 20 seconds to get myself in a prone position. I did and was asleep in 30 seconds. Pure exhaustion just comes over me that quick.

Medicines. You should be able to get a trial amount and try them instead of paying $40 or more and realize they aren't doing what they should or they gag you so bad you can't take them. I have decided to hold onto all medicines until after the next round of chemo because you never know....
Caffeine headaches. I haven't had 1 cup of coffee or any kind of caffeine in a week and yet I have not had one headache. Do you think it could be all the wonderful drugs? My body probably said "Caffeine headache? Why should I bother with that when we have all this other stuff to deal with. That's child play." I also haven't had a hormone pill in about 5 days because I can not swallow it. (I can't swallow most things right now). Probably the reason I will start talking and end up crying. So things move on.
Tom (Watson) is my man. I am so happy he is having this opportunity to play well. I will be watching the Open tomorrow intensely. So for all of you locals, lucky enough to be enjoying this great weather I hope it stays this way all summer. I know it's wishful thinking. Hope you have a good Sunday. KTPC Rose

My prayers for you

My what a beautiful day. I sat out late this afternoon on the back patio enjoying the fresh air as my nose is now getting very sensitive to odors. I am hoping the weather stays cool for a while so I can do that more often. FYI Mel is now screening my calls (actually I'm not talking to anyone) because it hurts so much to talk. So if you're one of those please don't take it personal. I pray none of my friends, family or worst enemies have to ever go through this. I am through the first week of radiation. My side effects (which are now too long to list) are all from the chemo. The radiation hasn't started its thing yet.
My biggest challenge is to eat (who'd of thought?) and to get enough fluid. The fluid is coming most in the form of ice chips but I'm going through a lot of them. I was already threatened by both docs that if I dehydrate (which is very easy) I will be back in the hospital. I don't have much energy but with the little intake I have it's not surprising.
The irony of it all. Sheka, the chewer dog, was bought a rope with a tire on the end of it to chew on. She loves ropes but wouldn't touch the tire. However, she decided to chew up a wheel on our Big Green Egg. I told Melvin we had a brake system on it now.
I have been watching a lot of the British Open. It has been nice because I can doze a little while watching. How about that Tom Watson? He's an inspiration to me. I figure if he can keep up with the youngsters at age 59 and having hip replacement I should be able to get myself back into shape and play as well as I have in the past. It won't be this fall but maybe for next spring. I hope you all have a great weekend. My love

Wizard of Oz

We're not in Kansas anymore Toto. This is the best way to describe everything that is going on. I have landed in another land. A land of good witches, bad witches, flying monkeys, and of course scarecrow, cowardly lion, and tin man . I am actually playing 4 parts. Dorothy, and tin man, lion, and scarecrow. I have taken on all these rolls already fluctuating between them like a person with multiple personality disorder. Yet I continue walking this journey trying to make it to the wise man of Oz to find my way home. My way home is normalcy.
Yesterday I discovered hot water and I don't get along. I was trying to shower and noticed I started feeling weak and then I was down in the shower. I won't say pass out as I'm not sure I did. But I did go down. My head was spinning enough I couldn't get up right away. Scared Mel. Scared me.
This morning I moved slower and took a cool shower. It seemed to help. I awakened with the wonderful surprise of a sore throat and fever blister. Typical chemo reaction. So sucking on ice chips and popsicles. I am starting to eat a little more. Hysterically, I am not down to my "ideal weight" yet as defined by weight watchers. I am still about 2 lbs. over my ideal weight. And since it spans 11 lbs. my thought is if I try hard I will stay within that range. Once again for the women, you lose weight but why is it not where you want to lose it? I know exercise would help but that will have to come later when I start regaining my strength back. Now is not the time.
I kicked Mel out this morning to play golf with the promise if anything started going on I would call him. And I will. He is at our close course which is only about 10 min away from the house and I have a great neighbor who I can call on if I need anything. I envy him more than anything. I'm just hoping one of these evenings to have the strength to want to go out and practice putt.
My plans for today are to do about the same. Computer, read, puzzles. Clean and refuel the hummingbird feeders. Not a lot of excitement I know. But hey, right now if I get thru the day feeling almost decent I'm not too terribly disappointed. Have a good hump day. KTPC Love to all

At home again

I was released (oh great freedom) last night at about 5:30. I was exhausted as I had fought nausea all day long even on a double dose of nausea med I was given. I hadn't had anything to eat and basically couldn't do a lot more than lift my head off the pillow. I did drag myself up long enough to throw everything I could into my duffle bag to get ready to go. So yesterday wasn't very exciting. Amazing enough after sleeping almost all day I pretty much slept all night.

Maggie was sure excited to see me though. I received a grand welcome from her and each time I left the room she would follow me and then act like I had been gone 4 days again. She has stayed pretty close to my side today. I think she was wondering when we left early this morning for radiation if I was going to be gone again. She was happy when I showed up an hour later.

This morning was the first radiation treatment. I think the process was explained to me at least 3 times. The hardest part of the radiation is staying absolutely still on a hard table for about 17 minutes. I found out that I can take a cd in to listen to or they will provide music so I think I will try that route. It will make time go faster. I also have an appt with my radiation doc (the ball of fire) tomorrow and then tomorrow afternoon I go to the general oncologist to get a shot that has to be done more than 24 hours but less than 72 hours after the chemo. It is something to do with helping regulate the blood cells.

Today I have tried to do a little to help Melvin out. I don't have a lot of energy. About 10-15 minutes of just moving around and I'm ready to sit. I haven't really slept today but I think I did enough sleeping in the last day I don't need it. My nausea has subsided and by this evening I was able to eat a small amount of beef and a couple of carrots. It was a lot of food considering what had been eaten in the last day and half. I am even considering trying to hit the ice cream this evening.

My thoughts today have been with my coworkers and friends at the MO Womens State Amateur Golf Tournament where I am supposed to be. I am lucky enough to have good friends to cover my volunteer job for me while I am going through all of this. I appreciate it folks. Hope the tournament runs smooth for you. My love to all of you

Countdown 1 more to go

Hey everyone, Everything is going pretty well here. I hope I had my bad day yesterday due to very little sleep, very minor side effect of med, and a new treatment I have to do. The long lasting chemo (4 day) is one that is a killer on the mouth tissue. So I now have to brush my teeth and use a wash of baking soda and salt 4 times a day. There is just enough lingering in the mouth that it makes you taste nothing. Nor want anything to taste. But if it keeps me from having loads of sores in the mouth I can do it. Besides I can stand to lose a few extra pounds (but I also found where they stash their ice cream here). Why is it nothing will taste good that is good for you but ice cream does? I still say I may be the only person who goes thru chemo and radiation that gains 20 lbs rather than loses. Well, I can deal with that too I guess.
So the doc and I are still having a discussion of Sunday night release. I REALLY want to be in my own bed. I won't finish my chemo until 6pm but since we only live 10 minutes from the hospital it won't be that big of deal. The really good news is that the doc said I have done so well on this round that it is a VERY Good possibility I will do the second round in early Aug as outpatient. What that means is I will need to check into the office once a day for a new bag and maybe stay long enough for them to shoot me the anti nausea drug. But again being in my own bed will be worth it.
I'm looking forward to being able to get out into some fresh air. Just sitting on the back porch right now is looking mighty awesome. I might even take up a friend of mine who just got a really really sharp looking little convertible and get her to take me out for a ride and an ice cream (what else)! Hope you all are having a great weekend. KTPC My love

Day 2 Countdown still continues

Help Me! Help Me! I am being held hostage on 7th floor of St. John's. Just kidding of course but without being able to go anyplace other than walk 2 short halls and 2 shorter halls I am starting to go stir crazy. I am thankful I can walk and feel like walking don't get me wrong but I'm used to being a lot more active than this, obviously.
Saw the doc this morning she said she expected me to hit the wall the weekend after I get out of the hospital. Poor Mel has already hit the wall. The numerous trips here and going out etc have taken their toll on him. He had a seizure last night. Well, we don't know if it was one or 2 sometimes he doubles up but he doesn't know it. I wasn't there to watch out for him, but our faithful pup Maggie stuck by his side like glue. She was watching him for me. If she could talk (she can tell me somethings) she would tell us how many he had last night. It had been a while since he had a seizure, actually a couple of days after I was told I had the tumor. His stress level shows outward.

So how many of you remember the movie the Exorcist? And remember the scene of the girls head spinning around? Well that is the best way to describe how I feel when I get the anti nausea medication. It doesn't make me nauseous though. I just have to close my eyes and rest my head and wait thru it. If I can nap through it even better.
I really am getting great care here. Everyone has been great. The biggest problem is I can't get any sleep. First of all since I have the saline drip I am constantly having to go to the bathroom. I counted 8 times last night. 4 times by 12:30. Then my iv beeper will go off at least twice in the middle of the night. Once will be to replace the saline and other time will be just to aggravate me. Last night it went off 3 times. This morning they decided to get blood at 4:30 am instead of 5:15 so a trio of nurses come in and flip the lights on. I just held out both my arms and said take your pick just try to keep the bruises symmetrical. I had a smile on my face. I then told them I probably wouldn't be quite this nice if I was back for the second round of chemo. They agreed. If you're wondering why they are not taking blood thru the port it slows down the chemo process because they have to disconnect and flush. It is also dangerous. They try not to fool with the chemo unless they absolutely have to. So while I get the chemo I get stuck in the arm. It is only once a day.
Yesterday I was accused of being an incognito nurse. After lowering my blood sugar yesterday and telling them I was going to (from 143 late morning to 92 early evening) and then lowering my blood pressure and telling them I could (bottom number was 104 lowered it to 80 ) in about an hour they figured I had some special knowledge. I don't. I just know my physical being. I have always been aware of my physical being.
I had a really pleasant surprise. All my doctors and Mel's doctors are in St. Johns system. A lot of them know what is going on. But last night his neurologist came by to visit. Now this is a guy that loves to kid. So I was ready for him. First thing he asked was what are you doing here? I said gee doc you went to med school did you read the sign when you got off the elevator that said CANCER FLOOR? He laughed and he said ok you got me tell me about it. So I did with my warped sense of humor involved. He would just look at me and shake his head. I ended my story with I'm positive, I'm strong and most important I have God on my side. Right now I only see one set of footprints. (Some of you will catch the meaning of that). He grinned again and shook my hand. When he was walking out I yelled after him I don't want to see a bill from this visit. He came back in with a big grin again and said I can't bill for a placebo. It was really neat.
I have been placing physical goals on myself. This is what keeps me motivated. Like the goal I would play golf by 2 weeks after my surgery (which I did). This goal is even more industrious. I have 2 big tournaments at the end of Sept. I want to be able to play in at least one of them. They are both 2 day tournaments which is large expectation to play 2 days in a row. And it will only be about 5 weeks after my last treatment. But that is my goal. Now notice I say play I don't expect to play well. The big thing is to start and finish the tournament. If that works out or even looks like it is going to work out I'm going to get Mel and I reservations to go down to Hot Springs in Oct.
I have droned on long enough. A shout to all my gals at Millwood and to all the folks at Fand C. Love you all KTPC

The Countdown has started!!! I figure once you make it through the first night you need to start the countdown... My first night was a little sleepless but no side effects. I was worried enough that I asked my chemo doc this morn about it and she said they mega dosed me with anti nausea drugs so she expected those to hold for a while. I also have a prescription to start when I get home. She said fatigue and more fatigue would start in about 14 days. Possibly along with the hair loss. She said effects from radiation would start about 4 weeks into radiation (I have 26 radiation treatments). I would have pain from the radiation in the pelvic and rectal area and possibly diarrhea. Already set for both of those.
Good news or bad news. Since I live close and I'm not on Medicare I get to have my radiation treatments at 7 am. Actually, I am not a late sleeper and that means even when Mel has to drive me to radiation unless I am really down and out he will be able to make his golf. So for all his golf buddies out there...sorry he will be out there with you more often than we thought.
So where or when else can you have ice cream or popsicles at 9 10 11 12 at night in bed and not feel guilty? Answer: In the cancer ward at St. Johns. For all you ladies out there with hot flashes/night sweats, popsicles really work well.
So I have to admit I feel guilty. One my blood suger was very slightly elevated. Well heck they've been feeding me bread pudding, pound cake, macaroon cookies (home made) cheesecake (home made) and of course what have I been doing? Laying in bed maybe making it to the chair...So I walked for about 15 minutes today. You have to realize I am dragging this monster of a pole with 2 big bags on it so it is not a power walk to be sure. But I did get some exercise and it should help. I have also vowed to cut back on the sweets. As a matter of fact I told the nurse give me one day I'll have the blood sugar down. The other guilt thing is I have people all around me getting sick and I'm not getting sick. My heart breaks for them. I figure I will get there but it's just so sad.
Well I am going to show Mel the baby video. If you haven't seen it go to you tube and see babies on roller skates or the evian commercial Have fun!! God Bless love you all

Good Evening from St. Johns Hospital. It has been a typical hospital day of hurry and wait. I got to my room early this morning (7:30) but didn't get started on the chemo until 5:20 this evening. The order went in at 9 or so this morning for the chemo but they didn't get it delivered until 2:30 and then didn't have one of my premeds.
What I didn't know is the chemo is hand mixed and hand delivered. It takes a while for that to happen. Plus the 5 fu that I am on is a mix of 5 different drugs which takes it longer to be produced. I do have the mitromycin over with, it only ran for 1 hour. The 5 fu will be given over the next 4 days. I also found out that it was decided to wait until Monday to start my radiation so I won't be having both at the same time. In a way that is a relief because of worrying about someone getting me to the tomography machine on time.
How ironic is it I ended up having side effects from the drugs to keep me from having side effects. Not bad but did have a huge head rush for about an hour.
I was glad to get a private room particularly when Mel told me he saw over 5 people visiting in one room. And he said it looked like all the people were for one patient in a two patient room.
The port was a unique experience. I felt like a pin prick in my skin and then that was it. The needle was through the port and things were going. Once it got below the surface of the skin I didn't feel anything. Well, I'm going to close this. KTPC so far so good. Love you all.

Ihope everyone had a great 4th. I have been trying to relax and get a few things done. I promised pictures so here they are. It is hard to smile when you are trying to take a pic. You should have seen some of the others. I had a Jack Nicholson evil look with eyebrows up in one. Another looked like the crazy Bill Cosby look. Oh, well you get the idea. The hair may not look that much shorter but the longest it is anyplace on my head is one inch.

So here's a thought that my lady friends over 50 will understand. So I'm thinking about my possible hair loss and I thought if I lose my hair I should at least lose the chin whiskers that I'm constantly fighting. Wouldn't it be a bummer if I lose my head hair, eyebrows and eyelashes and still have to fight the chin whiskers? How cruel would that be?

Time is counting away. I have started making a list of things to take to the hospital. I am going to wait on my computer until I know whether I have a private room or not. If I don't I may have Melvin bring it to me each day Thursday- Saturday to add to the blog. I have to admit I'm getting nervous, scared and many other emotions thrown in. I'm sure my temperament is varying a lot with whatever thought processes I have going at the time. Mel is trying to take it all in stride. He's going to have a lot to take in stride over the next 8 weeks.

One last thought. A positive about chemo. I can't do anything with the cat litter. Wait, that may NOT be a good thing....Will keep you posted on that thought. Anyway KTPC. If you are reading this for the first time it's my way of saying "Keep the Prayers Coming" Love you all

Good morning everyone. I have had a request from some none golfers on explaining what a short game is. That basically means putting and very short shots. (No full swings). The surgeon said no vigorous activity with the shoulder for one month. Evidently there has been one or two complications so they are getting more protective. Well, I don't want to have to have it redone either so I understand.
My hair was cut down to 1 inch all over my head. There is not much to style when there is only 1 inch. (duh!) But that also means there will be a lot less on the pillow and in the drain. Melvin and our friend Stan were surprised when they saw me because they thought it would be a lot shorter. I wasn't quite ready for the GI Jane look. That may come down the road. Pics should be up in a couple of days. I need to slow Mel down long enough to take one with the hair short. He has been playing golf everyday and today is doing yard work so he has things taken care of for next week.
Hope everyone has a great 4th of July weekend. I will be resting and trying to eat properly. Every little bit helps. Love you

The question of the day is....So why does a 45 min surgery have to take 7 hours? We arrived at 6:30 as per request and got home at 2:00. I was taken in a little late but not bad, and the surgery lasted about the time we were told. What a day. The surgery went well other than my right shoulder feels like it was hit with a sledge hammer. I really would have preferred it to be in my left shoulder but I didn't have a say in the matter. Particularly since it has to go into a particular vein. Bad news is (and the surgeon wrote this specifically) "NO golf for a month; can work on short game". Now this impressed me as the guy is not a golfer. Most wouldn't know what short game meant. Actually the release nurse who went over the orders read it and said "Do you know what that means?" I kind of laughed and said yes and she said "ok as long as you do."
Some info about the port. Most of you probably have known someone with a port but I am finding a few do not. The ports these days lie completely under the skin. I can feel it (very gently) but all you can see is kind of a bump. The nurses are trained in how to find it and the receiving part and there is a special kind of needle and connection they use. They can either draw blood or insert meds/i v. Since the chemo is only going to be given twice the main purpose is to draw blood to keep blood counts on me. I understand this could be done more than one time a day while I'm in the hospital. After I leave the hospital it will be done almost every day when I go to radiation. I also understand I will have to keep the port for a while after my last treatment as the radiation continues to work for 8 weeks after the last treatment. So I will be going into the lab for blood work during that time.
Tomorrow I go for my hair cut. It will be a drastic cut as it will be the last time before chemo/radiation starts on the 8th. I really don't know how to describe to my hairdresser how I want it cut. I don't want it shaved but very short. Who knows what I'll get? It will be interesting.
I have been lining up hats of all kinds. Even if I don't lose my hair completely with it being so short and then thining out I will need a hat to protect from the sun or to keep warm in the air conditioning. So I am getting a sleep hat from one friend and a straw sun hat from another friend. Of course, being a golfer I have a lot of golf hats. I have a couple of visors too, but I don't think they would accomplish much.
So I guess in the next couple of days I will post a couple of pics to let you see the hair before and after. And then maybe again, really after. Appreciate everyones prayers and cards and thoughts. God is with us. My love to all.

Hi Everyone, It has been a busy day. After a trip to the hospital this morning to try to get somethings straightened out with what one of my doctors wanted, I made another trip back this afternoon for my chemo education class. This is a one to one visit with a practical nurse trained in all the nasty side effects of the particular medicines you will be given. So, I will be given 5-fu for 4 days and mytomycin for the first day. The bad dude is the mytomycin. It is the one with most all of the side effects. I won't list them. You don't want to know. However, it is interesting that the side effects will peak 2 weeks after I finish the chemo treatment. So about the time I will start feeling better I will be ready for my next chemo treatment. Isn't that diabolical? I also saw what my port will look like and it is larger than what I had pictured in my mind. I'm not sure that is a good thing... Anyway, it has now been decided I will start treatment on the 8th of July because that is when my chemo doc will be back from vacation. So I will check in early on the 8th and will be in until Sunday because of having to have exactly so many hours of the chemo drip. Once I get the port in tomorrow, (need to be at the hospital at 6:30 am), I won't have anything else to do but wait. And that is beginning to be the hard part.
I am fortunate I have been making lists of things to do and some of my friends have started bringing books over for me to read. Another friend has offered videos. And the doctors office has encouraged I keep up with as much exercise as I can tolerate. They are also big on power naps. So what are power naps? When I nap I go to sleep I don't plug in or power up or down I just crash. I do it quite well too.
Other than that, things have been pretty quiet. I'm hoping to get to play golf before I go in but I've been told my shoulder could be sore. So, it will be a wait and see game. I hope everyone had a good weekend. I'm happy the weather has finally cooled off to our normal temperatures. It makes it bearable outside. I guess I will catch you tomorrow. KTPC My love Rose

Hello everyone,

First I want to say I am extremely impressed with the number of followers and comments I am getting. I read everyone and appreciate them all. You are great!

I did get scheduled for the port on Tuesday. I appreciate everyone who has given me advice and help. I have a friend who has a sister that works in the surgery waiting room, and another friend who is a nurse anaesthesiologist. Both have given me comfort in what they have said.

The chemo/radiation now may get moved. The radiation doc didn't know the chemo doc was going to be out of town on the 6th when I am now supposed to start. So they have to coordinate again. Always something. I'M READY! I hope that accounts for something!

Went out to eat and tent theatre last night and in the process Scott's shiba inu ( see second pic) decided to eat our house. Cute dog (like to kill dog). So at 7:30 this morning I'm digging out the house specs to find where the builder bought the trim so we can replace what Sheka decided to eat. By 8:30 I'm painting trim board. Now I have to ask one of our wood working friends to cut the pieces. While I painted the trim board I also touched up where the other sweet dog (Keely) has scratched the back door to get in. She doesn't bark she just scratches and looks forlorn. The best of them all is my own dog Maggie who I will post a pic later. She is a min dachshund who doesn't bother anyone or anything. (Well, except squirrels).

Hope everyone has a safe and relaxing weekend. I'm going to start back to work. My love to all.

I want to tell you all I really appreciate how all of my local friends have volunteered to help us when the times get tough. I promise you that I will call upon you for everything from borrowing books or movies, to getting a ride to radiation (so Mel can have a day off) or maybe even food. Right now I don't know for sure what we will need, but it is an absolutely wonderful feeling to know that you are out there.

Tuesday when I was getting ready to leave to play golf Mel stopped me and said, "Aren't you going to wear a hat?" The ladies I play with know I never a wear a hat. I looked at him and he had his male stern look on and I just said "What?" "Do you think I'll get cancer?" He couldn't top that but I did walk out with a hat in my hand.

Then I received an email from a long long time friend. Since he is reading this I will stop with 2 longs. But we had to laugh when he said "Carry a can of "C" whip ass in your bag and if anyone gets in your face or in your way let them have it." Now you can tell he isn't from around here because he would have said whoop ass!

I really enjoyed seeing most of the gals today on the course. It was hot and it took a lot out of me. I played well except for one hole which the heat and the stupid Japenese Beetles got to me. (Those things are nasty). I realized I was going to have to hunt a lot more shade than what I had been hunting. But even with the one bad hole I shot a 79. That's probably only 2-3 strokes off what I would be shooting normally.
Tomorrow the port will be scheduled and we will be going out to eat and tent theatre. I have nothing planned for the rest of the weekend other than to try to catch up on some house work and do the grocery shopping (both which Mel does more than his fair share). I also need to have a chemo education class scheduled sometime next week and probably a pre registration for my hospital stay. Right now it seems like I am always waiting for a call from some doc about something.
So, keep the prayers and thoughts coming. I'm enjoying the comments and emails also. Love to all.

For everybody who has been praying for me ( and I know there are a lot of you) the first of our prayers have been answered. I had the PET scan this morning at 8:15 (not one of the more enjoyable tests I've been through) and my radiation oncologist called at 2:30 to tell me all areas are clear except the low anus area of the cancer. This means it is a STAGE 1 . This is huge. It keeps my curable chances up very high. I am still extremely emotional over this news (which means I'm crying). The other news is that she has moved up the starting date of treatment to July 6th. Folks I'm ready to go after this with my whole being.
A lot of you know how competitive I am and right now I'm thinking this is a good quality.
I have an appt Friday early to schedule the port to be put in which I believe will be Mon or Tuesday as they promised me it would be done before my insurance changes over.
I plan to play golf tomorrow with the gals at 8 and have lunch. I am going to try to do some things I want to do before all the action starts.
Once again my love and appreciation to you all. Rose

It is 96 degrees and not even noon yet. I got to play 9 holes and held up fairly well. I was lucky that my good friends at the golf course were kind enough to push me ahead of a lot of groups so I could tee off over an hour earlier than what I was scheduled. Thanks guys...
What's that? What did I shoot? Well, considering today is the 14th day since major surgery I don't think a 40 is so bad do you? For those of my Millwood golfing buddies reading this I was over the green on number 7 in 2. (For the rest of you it is a par 5 for ladies). I really wanted to keep playing but I knew I would only last another 2-3 holes at the most with the heat and the back side is a lot hotter than the front side since there is less shade. I don't envy Melvin still being out there.
So I will rest this afternoon and then eat a meal of prime rib tonight in preparation for the PET scan tomorrow. (That is what they said to do I just can't have the baked potato or bread).
If you have problems leaving comments or just don't want to please feel free to just email me. This will be my only contact with a lot of my long distance family and friends. Which I may top the long distance part as I have a nephew in Saudi following my "trek". Thanks Martin.
Again. love you all...

Hey Everyone, It has been an interesting day. I've been kicked a couple of times but have gotten back up and still going strong.
Started the day by visiting my church. Good way to start the day.
First appt with radiation people getting me ready for the radiation treatment. Won't go into the gory detail but they did another CT Scan and I'm now a tat women (as my friend said). That is the last time I meet with them until treatment starts which is right now scheduled for July 12.
Met with the general oncologist who schedules the chemo. I have a lot of news there. Do you want the good news or bad news first? Just kidding. There is a possibility that my stage 1 cancer may jump to stage 3. I have some irregular lymph nodes that look suspicious. However, the doc said there is a possibility it is a reactive situation since I had problems before the surgery( the bleeding) they are reacting to that and do not have cancer cells. The PET scan on Wed will tell the tale.
I will be taking 2 chemo drugs. I'm not going to tell you the names yet. This is because she said them so fast I didn't catch them. However, I have to go back for chemo education and I will know them then so I will let you know at that time. The chemo will be for 4 days in a row 24 hours a day, 2 times during the 6 week period of treatment. At the very beginning and at the end. One drug (5-fu) will be given one day and the other (?) will be given for four days. They will be given simultaneously with each other and with the radiation. The bad news on this is that for the first treatment I will spend 4 days in the hospital. It evidently can have some side effects that they really want to keep close check on. The doc said if I did ok the first treatment they would consider letting me do the last treatment as outpatient. Yea, yea, promises promises.
In amongst all of this today I found out my insurance plan was changing starting July 1 and not for the better I might add. So I requested thru the doc she call my surgeon and schedule my port ASAP. That means I could be going in as early as this Thursday to get the port put in.
Here's the way I look at it. With what went on today I have some better karma coming my way and Wed will be a great day for it.
Plans for tomorrow in 99 degree heat. Play golf what else!! Seriously I doubt if I will get more than 9 holes played, I may even only get 4 played. But I have to get out there ,swing a club and feel the fairways under my feet....Until tomorrow or maybe Wed. God bless you all and keep the prayers a comin' I can feel them, I really can.

Hello again,
I have one more addition to my background information. The type of cancer cell I have is squamous cell cancer which some of you may be familiar with as a skin cancer cell. It is also found in cervix cancer besides the cancer I have. It is interesting that my surgeon asked me if I had ever had any irregular pap smears which I did about 32 years ago. He said this was probably some dormant cells from that which have become active. He also said for me to be sure to get a pap every year even though as you get older it is not recommended.
If you are interested in the new method of radiology I will be going through go to www.stjohns.com/cancer/therapies and go to tomotherapy (or type it in). It describes how it is used and why it is better than the traditional therapies.
So I will be adding to this for sure after Monday because I have another exam with radiation dr. and my first meeting with my chemo doctor, Dr. T (she has a long name). Hope you have a great weekend and fathers day. I will be watching the Open of course and trying to kick back and rest. Love to all